Her 39th Year

If she could go back and tell her on the very first morning of her 39th year

She would wake up with promise of hope and visions she thought were clear

She would tell her to pay attention in those next two months ahead

That if she did, she would maybe be more prepared and not be blindsided intstead

She would tell her not to let the real her hide

To let her out and not hold her inside

She would tell her this would be a year plagued with many regrets

A year for sure, she would never forget

To let go of what she thought she was supposed to be

To let others in and see

That she isn’t perfect and has it all together and figured out

That she might have a smile on her face, but was filled with doubt

She would tell her that there’s no such thing as a perfect mother

She would tell her to forgive herself so she could forgive others

She would tell her never to take for granted the people she loved thinking they would always be there

To never miss a moment to show them how much she cares

She would tell her to let go of the anger that kept spilling out

That clung to her and filled her mind with fear and doubt

She would tell her, her husbands best friend would unexpectedly pass away

She would tell her to be there for him and during this time not to forget to pray

She would tell her that even though she and her husband had completely redone every room and put a new bathroom in their beautiful house and bought many things

She would never see the happiness they thought it would bring

She would tell her those things were just filling a void in their heart

A place where God should have been from the start

She would tell her in a month her mom would get in a motorcycle accident and by a miracle was saved

She would tell her to appreciate the gift of time God gave

She would tell her just let things go and not be so uptight

That life was too short for petty little fights

She would tell her to cherish each moment with the people she loves so much and doesn’t want to let go

She would tell her all the things she just didn’t know

That her husband of 20 years was about to leave what she thought was a happy home

She would tell her that there would be times she would feel so alone

She would tell her that it will feel like her world as she knows it is ending

She would tell her, her 39th year is a year of mending

She would tell her there will be days she won’t want to even get out of bed

She would tell her to start every day with God, to fight the negative voices in her head

The voices that would tell her she wasn’t good enough

That she was abandoned and unloving and life would always be tough

She would tell her that God would up hold her and wipe every tear she cried

That he would bring her through each moment she felt like she was dying inside

She would tell her God would take away everything that was not of him

Her anger, her hurt, attitude, unforgiveness in her heart, opinionated arguments where she had to win

She would tell her it would hurt and feel like her insides were being ripped out

But in the end she would be a new person without a doubt

She would tell her that even though he left it wasn’t just him who made the mistakes

That they both made choices that would lead them down the path that would lead them to the choices they would make

She would tell her he’s not a bad person for choosing what he did

She would tell her that in his mind he gave all he had to give

She would tell her to let God show her how to forgive those who hurt her for no reason

That the pain it caused would last only for a season

She would tell her that holding on to what hurt her would only make her hurt more

That no matter what, she would never know the reason it happened for

She would tell her to pray for them and learn to let go of the past

She would tell her to make each memory last

To take it all with her wherever she goes

To a future only God knows

She would tell her to take her time and grieve

To hold God close and always believe

That God is right with her by her side holding her hand

Loving her, guiding her, showing her he understands

That God didn’t cause this pain, but allowed it to happen and unfold

To a future only he can hold

She would tell her not to be bitter and be thankful for their years together

That as hard as it is, to let go of the forever

She would tell her that there will be better days than others

To draw closer to family and friends to be there for one another

She would tell her that God will give her friends that point her towards him when she’s down

People who love her for her when no one else is around

She would tell her she doesn’t need to beg or chase someone who wants to be in her life for good

That God will, when the time is right put someone in her life that makes her feel understood

She would tell her everyone in her life will be there if God wants them to

That if he doesn’t, he knows just what to do

She would tell her there will be days she throws her hands up asking why

That duing these times, she needs to look to God with her head held high

She would tell her to let go and let God take the lead

Knowing that God would supply her every need

She would tell her that this year will hurt like no other has before

She would tell her that she has no idea what is instore

She would tell her to get on her knees and pray

That nomatter what, everything will be ok

To trust God’s timing and not her own

She would tell her through it all she’s never alone

She would tell her there’s no way she could have made him stay

That in the end she would do it all again because its brought her to the person she is today

A woman who is full of flaws and isn’t afraid to show them anymore

A woman with hope for the future that’s instore

She would tell her that the most important thing she learned through this is how to love her self the way God does

To look to the future and not what was

To take that love that God gives her so she can love others in her life and let it pour from her heart

She would tell her to let God make a new start

To fill that place in her heart with God and know that’s the reason she’s still here

She would tell her that there’s no way she would would have made it without him in her 39th year