Did you know as you took your first steps away from me listening to that voice
The one telling you lies that it was the right choice?
You prayed to be with her all these years you said
That you only married me because I was pregnant instead
Our whole 20 year marriage I lived in her shadow and the other’s too
I couldn’t fit no matter what I tried to do
Your mistress the alcohol and her and whoever else filled that empty space deep inside your soul
Where you allowed the enemy complete control
It was me. I was the reason you acted this way
I guess that’s what you told yourself to make it sound okay
Every time I forgave you and said the words like a good Christian should
I stuffed those feelings way down thinking you understood
Did you know how much it hurt me when you were with other women or you didn’t come home?
When you would ignore me and turn off or not answer your phone?
All those times, you never said sorry, but just wanted me to forget and move on
Like the memories of how you made me feel would disappear and be gone?
Did you know what that did to my heart?Filled it with anger and tore it apart
The years you listened to God and treated me good
I tried to move forward and I misunderstood
That I couldn’t just pretend those things never happened and move on
That there was anger inside me that had built up for so long
A constant record playing filled with lies and rejection
With walls of anger built up for protection Did you know on the day you said you wanted a divorce and I begged you to stay
What it would look like after you walked away?
Did you know that you couldn’t just erase the memories of our twenty years of marriage no matter how hard you tried
Did you know how much it would hurt you deep inside?
Did you know you would look for me in her?
Lying to yourself that this was the life you preferred?
Did you know that you would try and make her house just like ours down to the colors and decorations?
With the image that life was perfect and a big celebration?
Did you know that even though I thought I could never let you go from my heart
That the Lord would give me a brand new start
After four years of healing in my heart opened wide
With the lies replaced with God’s word deep inside
Did you know, even though I had to do it first, that you would have to let me go?
That walking away wouldn’t erase the years when we cared
And our children were a part of us that we would always share
Did you know that you would watch God put my life back together right in front of you?
That I would move far away and start new?
Did you know you would have to watch me let someone else in my heart to take the place
Where, you once had taken up that sacred space?
Did you know you’d have to witness him taking my hand and making the promises you broke and tore apart?
Did you know you’d watch him love me like you should have from the start?
Did you know you were lied to by the enemy of your soul?
Did you know your life would completely spin out of control?
The devil was great at telling you lies
Sin wrapped up in an enticing disguise
You weren’t an alcoholic anymore, I just didn’t want to have any fun
You needed to find yourself, you were ready to run
Did you know what you would find as the years passed by?
A life trapped in the enemy’s lies?
Did you know because of all the years we spent together we would want to reach out with major life events?
But we couldn’t because it no longer made sense
To text you when I found out my Dad was sick wasn’t okay
I couldn’t console you when you messaged me when your Dad was passing away
You have her now instead of me
She took my place in your life where I used to be
I made the same vows before God to him
I let go of you so my life with Marty could begin
Once and a while you try and sneak back in my mind
But I’m not the same girl from all those years ago you’ll find
God healed my heart that you broke open wide
And he filled it with his love and forgiveness inside
I pray for her and I still pray for you
That you will give your heart to Jesus so he can make it new
I really pray that she gets a better version of the good man I know you can be
I pray for your souls to be set free
From the torment of the lies you both believed from the enemy of your souls
That running to each other would make you whole
I forgave you long ago
I pray that you both know
It’s not too late to turn to God and let him back in
To shut the enemy up and show him he didn’t win
The battle for the souls that he’s trying to keep locked up in their shame
Making the wounds even deeper and filled with pain
I will keep praying for you both for as long as it takes
No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes
I thank you both for the pain that you caused in my heart
It allowed God in to heal all the broken parts
The pain is what brought me closer to Jesus and made me unrecognizable to the woman I am today
A woman full of God’s word knowing her identity and authority to pray
Those who knew that broken girl before would see
That through what looked like a hopeless tragedy
God did just what He said He would
He took what the enemy meant for harm, and worked all things together for our good
He gave my healed heart to man who would cherish and take care of it for the rest of my life
And walk through this broken world together with Jesus healing others as husband and wife
©️ Jennifer Lyn Fletcher 03/31/2025
Honest Journey 