When I held your hands promising to love you until eternity
Even though I was so young, I said those words with certainty
Do you understand or really know
What it took for me to let you go?
The promises that I made to you
Were from my heart and were true
You went back on your promise to love me
With thoughts that somehow you would be free
You needed to find out who you were, you said
I ended up finding me instead
Do you know how hard it was for me to watch you take the first step out of my life that day?
To look in your blue eyes that had grown cold and beg you to stay
To look back on all the signs in regret
Wondering how we took our eyes off God only to forget
God had brought us through so many things
He had sheltered us and protected us under his wings
How had I stopped praying for you every day?
I had allowed so many distractions to get in the way
We built a great life that looked perfect on the outside
But there were deep, dark secrets to hide
Without us even realizing, the enemy swooped in
With a door wide opened for him from our sins
We took our eyes off him and forgot who God created us to be
Only after was I able to see
How we had given the enemy free reign
To take us on a road filled with pain
A journey where we were no longer going the same way
Where God took my hand promising me I’d be okay
Do you know how hard it was to find my way without you?
You were the only love I knew
To have a heart closed up so tight
To cry to God in loneliness day and night
A journey where God’s strong arm began to break down my walls, you helped me build so high
Where I clung to God’s word, defeating every lie
Renewing my mind on God’s promises day and night
Equipping me with the strength to fight
To be cut wide open from a hurt I had never known
With so many nights, I felt so alone
To allow God access to my heart to rip out those roots of bitterness
Replacing them with His love and forgiveness
Accepting that things were not going to work out the way that I thought
Knowing in the end, I gave all that I got
Do you know what it took to finally be able to look at someone else other than you?
To wonder if his intentions are true
Do you know how hard it was for me to figure that out?
To not question a man’s motive and be filled with doubt?
For me to learn to lean into God’s promises and His peace and rest
Trusting that God knows what is best
Do you know how hard it was to let someone else in my heart where you once took that space?
With memories of our life together that I can’t erase?
To look at him and feel something again
To let go of you and take his hand
To look into his eyes that are also blue
With feelings I once had for you
To learn about him and what he likes to do
Starting a life together with everything new
Learning how to communicate with him
And how I don’t have to fight to win
To blend our lives and things together
Fighting fears of promising forever
To learn how to disagree, but still show God’s love inside us
To learn how to trust
Learning through moments that we’re unsure
That our love for God is what will make us feel secure
To plan for the day that we make the promises that were once made to us
But they ended with broken trust
To learn that God has to be first for us to become one
That our pasts are over and done
To trust that God has redeemed us and is starting something new
That through every moment, he will guide us in what to do
When our love for each other is created in his reflection
We will be safe inside his protection
When we stand before God and everyone we love, declaring the promises we will make
We now know what that will really take
God has to be first and not last
To look to our future together and not our past
To let go of you, I had to put you in God’s hands
Praying that you will one day understand
That even though we didn’t make it through
God still and will always love you.
I appreciate the years we had
I hope you can remember they weren’t all bad
I pray for blessings on your life and the person you love now
That God brings your heart back to Him somehow
God helped me let go of you in my heart
So that my life without you in it could start
It was a long road to get here
With God making a path clear
He showed him the way to my heart just like he promised he would
I held onto God so tight all this time, believing He could
God held my hand all the days and nights I felt so alone
And gave it to him to walk with me on my journey home
©️ Jennifer L. Silver
Honest Journey 